Mud Wrestling in a Tutu
In recent months I've been working with a forming group that has encountered some interpersonal tensions that have persisted—in some instances for years (they've been forming for seven). As everyone...
View ArticleChoices at the Point of Conflict Emergence
There is considerable leverage available to both individuals and groups if everyone has a general sense of what's happening and one's options at the point when conflict first manifests—when you first...
View ArticleThe Challenge of Integrating New members
I recently received this blog comment from Rabbit:I have lived in a cohousing community in California since 1999. A friend told me she'd read somewhere that you write about an inevitable moment in a...
View ArticleControlling the Story
I was raised as a Lutheran, and learned right away that there were competing ideas about right relationship to the divine. Not only were there a wide variety of religions (as well as those who rejected...
View ArticleThe Intersection of Discretion, Transparency, and Trust
One of the prime challenges of community living is developing and maintaining trust among members. Groups will invariably be comprised of diverse people: different communication styles, a variety of...
View ArticleWhat the F Can Happen with Conflict
I've been conducting workshops and trainings that focus on conflict in cooperative groups for three decades. For many years I titled a 90-minute presentation, "Conflict: Fight, Flight, or...
View ArticleProperty Rights & Social Contracts
A number of intentional communities struggle with the concept of a member's rights in relation to the community's rights, and I want to focus on a particular aspect of it that shows up when there's a...
View ArticleTeaching the Rest of the Year—An Updated Menu
Back in December I posted a sneak preview of courses I'd be offering 2022 (Teaching in the Year Ahead).While quite a bit of that has come to pass, some things have become more defined, and new things...
View ArticleRemembering Lina
My friend and mentor, Caroline Estes, died July 13, passing peacefully after four months in hospice. She was 94 and had lived a full and impactful life that touched me deeply.We first met in the spring...
View ArticleThe Gift of Good Process—All Delivered Before Xmas Morning
I'll be conducting a variety of courses from now through the end of the year, and I'm laying them out here—both because one or more may interest you, or people you know (and I'd be pleased to have your...
View ArticleNoise
Every now and then the right book comes along just as I'm ready to benefit from its message. That happened last month when I consumed Noise, by Daniel Kahneman (author of Thinking, Fast and Slow),...
View ArticleMy Senior Moments
This year I've had the opportunity to be part of a team of instructors delivering a five-week webinar (10 hours in total) entitled Aging Gracefully in Community, being produced through the Foundation...
View ArticleMusings about Modern Life
I just got back from10 days of immersion at Ionia, a 35-year-old community in Kaslilof, AK that requested my help with community dynamics. My experience there—in the company of my work partner, Sarah...
View ArticleSwimming in Liminal Waters
Over the course of my 35-year career as a group process professional, I've gradually been developing a deeper appreciation for working intuitively—trusting my sense of what to do in a given situation,...
View ArticleThe Genius of Indigenous Culture
Over the winter holidays I read a fascinating book that I picked up on whim while Xmas shopping at one of Duluth's indie bookstores: Covered with Night, by Nicole Eustace.It's well-researched...
View ArticleSpring Trainings 2023
This past weekend marked the start of the second quarter—a time of transitions. Winter is nearly over (though it doesn't feel that way in Duluth, where we're flirting with all-time record snowfalls)...
View ArticleThe Third Rail of Emotional Abuse
I recently received this anonymous inquiry:I'm very curious about emotional abuse. I'm concerned about a community member who has a history of trauma and is also a trauma therapist who is twisting the...
View ArticleNavigating the Boundary Between Transparency and Discretion
This past week I received notice that Communities magazine is planning its winter issue on the theme of Privacy and Transparency. Reflecting on that inspired this monograph.As a process consultant, I...
View ArticleAdapting to Reality
Well, I saw an orthopedic specialist last week and it's official: my rotator cuff muscles are shot and I'm giving up my ambitions to become a Major League pitcher. I tell you, this growing older...
View ArticleWhat I Think I'm Good at as a Facilitator
Lately I've been wrestling with some health issues related to my dance with multiple myeloma, which brings into sharper focus my mortality. In consequence, I've been thinking a good deal the last month...
View ArticleWhy I Never Say "Compromise" When Facilitating
As a consensus facilitator, I am constantly trying to make it easier for everyone to contribute what they have that's relevant to the conversation. Then I do what I can to establish how those...
View ArticleThe Dynamics When Someone Gets Upset and Walks Out of a Meeting
Working with a group of nascent facilitators last month, the question came up: What do you do when someone leaves a unfinished meeting in distress, triggered by something that happened inthe room (not...
View ArticleThe Art of the Report
Early in my 35-year career as a group dynamics professional, I became aware that most people only digest and retain about 20% of what happens when I work with them. Ugh.I believe there are many reasons...
View ArticleGetting in Touch with me Directly
A reader just posted this Comment on my blog:Is there a good email or preferred way to reach you directly?laird@ic.org
View ArticleTrusting Your Gut as a Facilitator
For the last two decades, the most complex and fun thing I do on a regular basis is train facilitators for working in cooperative culture.Fundamental to my approach is teaching the necessity (and skill...
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